I had low grades and I don't know if I can post as often as before. So, I made this while watching Annoying Orange (Haha, ang layo)


Dear You,

I know I have been in the wrong. I know I was stupid. Correction: I am stupid.

I want to laugh at myself right now, for being so childish, being so oblivious to your feelings.

I know you're mad. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. Believe me, I have had plenty experiences where I have seen people's emotions in their eyes. I have seen people look disappointedly at me. I have seen them stare at me with sad eyes. Sure, I became sad when I saw that I have let them down, but it felt different when I saw you.

Once upon a time, we were friends. Remember that time? I don't think you do. The trivial things, the small things, the simple things...Maybe they don't mean a thing to you, but they do to me. I mean, they did to me.

I loved you. I really did. Despite the fact that you were just like other guys, my heart seemed to have a small attraction toward you. It all seems stupid now; my love, I mean.

Look at you. You have changed a lot. I have, too. My former enemy is now my friend and he even says that I've gotten kinder. I'm proud of my achievements. I'm proud that I was able to life myself up again from the quick sand of regret that I have been sinking in for such a long time.

But the sinking feeling is still there, you know? It's true that if you experience something sad, you will never be able to forget it. I used to be so naive. So childish and oblivious. I isolated myself from the rest of the class when I wanted to befriend them so badly.

I don't regret isolating myself, because I met you that way (I think). I was quiet. My teacher wanted me to talk more, so she sent me beside you. Were you noisy? You were, I noticed.

I don't know. I don't know anymore. What should I do when you talk to me again? What would I do? But then again, maybe you won't even talk to me.

I was so mean to you. But if I apologize, will you even forgive me let alone, see my apology? I guess not. I don't even know what to feel right now. Should I feel happy that I have moved on?

Thinking about it, there was really nothing to move on about. You didn't hurt me. I hurt myself, because I kept telling myself that you were the one at fault.

I regret doing those mean things to you. Do you hate me? If you do, your feelings are justified, unlike mine. I felt hurt, but you didn't even do anything. I laugh at myself even until today.

Remember the first few days of Grade Five? We were still friends then. You kept throwing paper ball at me. I did the smart thing and when I had enough papers, I combined them all and threw the big ball at you. We were so childish then.

We're in High School now, so I think it's time to forget about the past. I'm going to do just that.

I'm going to forget about you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get rid of this sinking feeling inside and...I don't know. I just want to forget.

I don't hate you. Well, I did condition my heart to hate you for the last two years. Because, like I said, I urged my brain to believe that you were the one at fault.

Ha-ha. It all seems so silly right now. If I laugh right now, I think I would burst to tears. That's how my brain works. When I try to look alright, I end up crying in the end.

I'm such a crybaby. Mo mother told me to "grow up" today. But that's a different matter.

What I want to say is, thank you. Thank you for not talking to me. Now I can truly move on  forget about what happened. Thank you very much and I'm sorry for being so mean and oblivious.